With the news that Ben Affleck has left his role as Batman with a new film to come out in 2021, the question on everyone’s lips was:
“Oh yeah. He was Batman.”
Not really a question, but the point remains; he’s no longer Bruce Wayne and someone “needs” to be.
But who’s it going to be? A lot of people thought the role would be passed down to Jake Gyllenhaal (who I really tried not to mention because I hate Googling how to spell his surname) but now he’s with Marvel, that probably won’t happen.
So to help Warner Bros. and DC, I’ve compiled a list of six people who I think would be perfect for the role. Have a bat-read and prepare to be blown away.
1. Eddie Murphy
I don’t speak lightly when I say Edward Regan Murphy may be one of the brightest young talents of this generation. Who can forget his stellar work in Shrek the Halls, Tower Heist when he played the Emmy Award-winning character Slide, and, uhhh, Norbit?
Murphy is after that step-up, and a role as Bruce Wayne may just be the tonic both he – and we – need to… succeed.
Look, I know what you’re thinking and it would be remiss of me not to mention it. We may as well address the elephant in the room: Eddie Murphy doesn’t look like Bruce Wayne does typically in the films or comics we’ve seen prior to this but come on, it’s 2019.
It’s just a moustache, people!
Besides, Warner Bros. are pretty good at CGI-ing moustaches out of the picture so this really shouldn’t phase anyone, should it?
2. Adam West
There’s not a man, woman, or otherwise on this green earth that doesn’t love it when huge, faceless film corporations resurrect dead actors and shove them into blockbuster films with eerily smooth, and slightly glowing skin, like they’ve used one of those Instagram makeup apps.
Think Peter Cushing in Rogue One or Audrey Hepburn in that Galaxy Chocolate advert. There’s absolutely nothing alarming about that kind of CGI f*ckery, least of all when you’re getting just about as close as you can to playing God by bringing them back.
So we may as well get Adam West back to play Batman. Truth is, he wasn’t even that good at it back in the 60s but f*ck it. Why not? Who actually cares?
Nothing weird about that.
3. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
He’s in just about every other film where someone gets punched so why not him as Batman. Assuming Hollywood grows some kind of conscience and decides not to use Adam West’s face and Eddie Murphy’s busy being Batman in real life, President The Rock could slot in seamlessly.
Think about it; he’s big, he’s got charisma, he’s big, and most importantly, he’s got charisma.
If the budget’s very low for this particular romp, he can also play Bane.
4. That Neck Guy Who Went Viral
Next best thing.
Necks best thing.
Just got a big ol’ neck, hasn’t he? You can’t really go wrong with that.
He’s probably got a name.
5. Timothée Chalamet
Everyone’s talking about him so I thought I’d get in trouble if I didn’t.
He could do it, couldn’t he? He’s got all the limbs, and don’t get me started on his mouth. Perfect. He’s literally got one.
I defy you to find me a creature more suited to playing Batman than Timothée Chalamet, with his limbs and mouth etc.
You also have to consider that though Bruce Wayne appears to be somewhat emotionally stunted, he did lose his parents at a young age, and that carries with it some baggage. Chalamet loves a little onscreen cry.
Probably have to do something about the hair.
6. Robert Downy Jr
It’s just a hunch but something tells me he would be good at playing a billionaire playboy with access to gadgets and a proclivity to fighting crime.
I could be wrong but I don’t know; something about it just sounds right.
It’s almost too perfect.
And that’s my six.
They are the six people who I think should play Batman. I was going to say “not at once”, but Christ knows what’s going on with the DC film universe so they may as well all play him.
What could go wrong? Follow me on Twitter @AlfiePowell
Images via Warner Bros, Getty, Florida State Police, Sony Pictures, GQ, Disney, DreamWorks