Autumn has sprung. All of the lovely little lambs from earlier this year are now angsty teens and I saw a man wearing gloves at the train station this morning.

For many, this is a good thing. Plenty of people are taking to the web and tweeting things like “I just wanna have spooky cuddles with someone”… that’s not me using hyperbole, that’s genuinely a tweet I saw but can’t find at the moment. I don’t know what “spooky cuddles” means but it sounds like sexual assault and a pumpkin emoji.

Of course the supermarkets are jumping on the trend, stocking their shelves with all manner of creepy paraphernalia and DIY pumpkin spice latte kits, but there’s something missing. Although this has happened every year for – at least – the last ten, we’re still consistently surprised when Christmas merch is stocked the second August comes to a close, so alongside the Halloween gear, there’s a smorgasbord of festive biscuits, fairly light sand, of course, ugly jumpers.

This – the jumpers – is by all accounts exclusive to Christmas, and that’s not fair. When I say it’s not fair, personally I don’t care, since I’m not a Halloween person (something about the colour scheme or black, orange, green and purple sets me on edge) but I have it on good authority that a number of people are bothered.

Worry not if you are one of those people however, as salvation has arrived in the form of f*ck-ugly jumpers that celebrate All Hallows’ Eve – the Christian festival in which people remember dead saints and martyrs. have come to your aid with a delightful range of Halloween jumpers that really do live up to their ‘ugly’ namesake, and you can get your spooky hands on one for $40, give or take a couple of “bucks”.

Yeah they’re ugly.

They’re also the perfect out for someone who doesn’t like dressing up for Halloween parties. You don’t have to put any effort in, just wack a jumper on and you’ll be the cock of the camp (a good thing).

Conversely, my go-to is dressing as Ash from Pokémon. Turn up, have a look at how much effort everyone else has put in and if it’s minimal, just take the hat and weird, short-sleeved jacket off and you’re wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. Perfect.

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